This Is How We Do It: Date Your Spouse

I’m just going to say it. I am so excited for this topic and I’m so nervous for this topic. Dating your spouse. It is so important yet so very easy to loose sight of. I will be the first to admit that I have lost sight and forgotten the importance of the relationship with my husband. We have been married for 10.5 years and our relationship has seen a lot of life change, including, our 4 children.

All that to say, I am really looking forward to hearing your ideas, tips, and thoughts on this month’s This Is How We Do It: Date Your Spouse. If you have a blog, I would love if you would link up a post (information is at the end of this post) and share your tips! If you don’t have a blog, leave your ideas in the comments! The goal of this link up is to create a community that shares ideas to help each other grow. We were never designed to live this life on our own, and this is another avenue for that community.

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Okay, here we go! Dating your spouse.

Honestly, our relationship has seen so many different types of dating. We have spent tons of time together having fun, playing games, going on dates, binge-watching shows… We have also had those quick dates where we are actually surrounded by our children, but we grab a picture just the two of us or we walk behind all of them and pretend to not be counting children. (You know, to make sure we don’t lose any of them.) Lately, we have tried to be intentional and have a mix of both. We enjoy our nights at home relaxing and watching our favorite shows. We go out a few nights a month and catch a movie or eat dinner. Or if we are extra lucky, both! And the in between days, we pick up food and eat it while watching a movie I stole borrowed from my sister. Or we will go on a walk with the kids and chat as we push strollers and bikes up the hills.

Each of these dates are great and help to build our relationship. Even those small “dates,” the ones where we are surrounded by our children and can hardly focus on each other. Because those dates are real life and they remind us of the importance of each other. Those everyday dates remind me that my husband thinks I matter enough to stop and talk to me. Those everyday dates remind my husband that I think he is more important than our children. 

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Even though those everyday dates are vital, they aren’t everything. I mean, they just can’t be. You need time alone, really connecting with each other. So a couple times a month, we go out. Just the two of us and enjoy a quiet dinner where we catch up. We still talk a lot about the kids and parenting, but we also spend time remembering life before them. We remember and laugh at our relationship before children, who we were, what we did back then.

We also try to get away at least once a year, without children. Our anniversary is at the beginning of the year, so this year we went to Galena for a weekend away. It was a great time of reconnecting, of quiet, and of laziness. And it was glorious. It was also the start of a new tradition (right, Mom?).

Marriage needs times to reconnect. Times of quiet. Times to remember life with just the two of you. Those reconnecting times are what keep a marriage going. They are the times that will keep your marriage alive, even after your children are grown and move out.

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But all that said, marriage needs more than dates and quiet times together. It even needs more than remembering. I think most husbands would agree…Yes, I’m going to say it. Mom, please stop reading. Seriously.

Marriage needs sex. It just does. Let’s be honest for a second. I know, I’m blushing as I’m typing this. Knowing that people I know will be reading it. But let’s be real and talk about something that is vitally important. Marriage needs sex.

I will be the first to admit it – children took a toll on our sex life. I was nursing constantly and had my littles all over me all.the.time. The last thing I wanted at the end of a long day would be anyone else touching me. Honestly, we did life that way for a while. It wasn’t the healthiest and it led me down a path of forgetting just how important my husband is.

Then life just made me forget. I started living more selfishly. I was tired. Our children were exhausting. I made excuses. I grew bitter and easily annoyed. My husband became a terrible listener. We I would snap easily.

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And then I read a silly, but real, blog post about sex. The writer talked about this same thing. The death of her sex life with the birth of her children. She then talked about a decision to intentionally choose to have sex with her husband every day. I know, crazy, right!? But she did it. And she said it was amazing. Even when she didn’t want to. She stuck with it. And it benefited them both. And their marriage.

So what am I suggesting? I think every couple has a different number that works for them. Although, to be honest, I don’t think it’s about the number, it’s about the relationship. And I think every relationship has ebbs and flows as you walk through different seasons. But I think it is an important discussion to have. And I think it is something that needs to be intentional. So go home, have an awkward discussion with your spouse and then…go have sex. Seriously.

I don’t know how to end this, so I’m just going to end it here. And if you know me, you will know that I am still blushing, but even still, I would love to talk to you about this if you want. Seriously. I love community and I love honesty.

And if you like those things and this link up series as much as I do, here is a look at the next topics coming up! We would love to have you join us!

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Want to catch up on my previous This Is How We Do It posts? (You should if you haven’t checked them out before, just saying.):

Grocery Shopping

Me Time

Dinner Time

Family Vacation

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Link Up Information:

1. Fill out form, by clicking blue button below.

2. Be sure to link back to me, Grace Mountain Diaries, and Lori, The Boutelle Family, somewhere in your post.

3. Etiquette: You can use a post written recently, ie: the last week or so, but please link back. If you forget, you will get a nice email, but if you don’t link back your post may be removed from the link up. Also, please only link up 1 post about the topic we are discussing. Anything outside of the discussion will be removed.

3. If you use social media, feel free to use #ThisIsHowWeDoIt and tag me on Facebook,Instagram, or Twitter. I will check it and will share as many as I can throughout the week!

4. This link up is open all week!

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49 thoughts on “This Is How We Do It: Date Your Spouse

  1. So great! I love that you went there 🙂 I love your thoughts around all of this. As I read I realized we have more “dates” than I think – like walks together, etc. Thanks for hosting this link up with me!

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  2. My husband & I are struggling with sex right now. We don’t have kids but I find our lives get in the way (we’re both teachers with heavy workloads & lots of obligations). That & the fact that he somehow thinks that every touch needs to be a sexual touch. I’m grateful he desires me that much but feeling like everything is about sex gets old. We have talked about it but we are going to have to talk about it some more because it is important. I’m home instead of commuting this year so that should make things different. I’ve read a couple of posts about committing to sex every day for a bit & I’m considering it.

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    • I was totally there. My husband is the same, or I interpreted those touches that way. Either way, I felt like it was always an expectation which I wasn’t meeting. When I read the post I mentioned, I decided to try it. The worst that could happen was nothing. And honestly, it was great! For both of us. I don’t think I realized just how much it would mean for me. I thought it would be something just for Greg, but it wasn’t. And it made us stronger too.

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  3. I loved reading this! I’m getting married in a few months, and I already can vouch for how important dating your significant other is. Quality time is my love language, and so setting up a weekly date night made a HUGE difference in our relationship! It was a way to really become best friends, develop shared interests and have a set time to just talk and connect each week.

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  4. This is a great post- I appreciate your honesty, even when, like you said, people you know will be reading this- it made me smile. I’ve only been married two years and have one baby, but I already see the importance of making time for date nights. Good for you and your husband for taking the time away from the kids.

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  5. These are great and so true, especially the part about sex. It’s not the most important part of a marriage, but it is definitely a way to unite when other areas of marriage are leading to conflict and stress. Thankful for you and your vulnerability (and for hosting!!)

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    • Thank you, Kelsie! I love that you joined in this link up (and your post)!! I completely agree, I don’t think sex is the most important part of the relationship – just a part of the relationship. And one that I have seen fall by the wayside, even when we’ve tried to be intentional about “us.”

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  6. Date night is so important!! I love a focus on dating your spouse. My husband and I have made that a priority this year and it’s made an immense difference in our marriage!

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  7. my hubby and i are relative newlyweds still (just over 2 years) with no kids yet. Even though he works full time and does school part time we still get a lot of time together – most of that is spent playing video games, watching netflix or eating (!). he’s a nerd and i’m in poor health so it works for us, but it’s hard for me to say ‘honey, let’s go out and have a date’ because he won’t quite understand and if he asks where or what, i won’t have an answer. i just know that i miss our dates of coffee and wandering downtown etc… =)

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    • Totally understand that! We did the same things prior to kids! Basically just enjoyed being around each other all the time (or a lot)! 🙂 It was great! It is nice to change the scenery, even for just a coffee, though.
      I found that my husband had no idea I missed those things and once I talked to him about it, he made an effort. And even if we don’t go out as often as I would like, we do it enough and I can see the intentionality behind the times we do. So those times are even more important and meaningful!

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  8. Great advice and so true! When we’re over-stressed and tired and just completely out of whack, sex really realigns and makes us reevaluate. It’s an integral and important aspect of marriage. And even if you’re tired, do it anyway…guaranteed you’ll enjoy it! (and maybe even sleep better! lol)

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  9. Pingback: 15 At-Home Date Night Ideas - Retro Housewife Goes Green

  10. I completely agree! Life gets busy and we get exhausted and pre-occupied and we have to make time for each other to keep that intimacy going, whether it be date nights, sex, deep discussions, or just plain fun and laughter!!!! There is a reason we married each other and we need to keep the fire burning. My marriage is very sacred to me. I take care of my car, I take care of my home, I take care of my dog and my kids and I need to take care of my marriage as well!

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  11. Thanks for going -there- with this post. I think it’s important to be aware of the ups and downs of marriage and that like everything else in our lives, it needs attention. My husband is such a home body that sometimes it’s difficult to have a date night that doesn’t just involve going to dinner and coming home and watching some man movie.

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    • Thank you, Rae! I completely agree! It’s important to talk about, even if it’s weird and awkward! 😉
      Oh and I feel ya with those movies! That seems to be all I’m watching lately! I have found that when I sit down and tell my husband what I’m really missing or needing, he truly cares and tries to meet those needs. He just never realized I was missing something. Though I enjoy going out, we don’t do it as often as I would like, but knowing he makes the effort sometimes is enough for me!

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  12. Thanks so much for sharing! I have only have one son who is 22 months and this is spot on! We don’t have the option of many kid-free date nights right now, but we are sure to take time after our son goes to bed for a “date”. We often get take out or just have a glass of wine and talk.

    I wish I’d seen this link up earlier! I will be sure to follow song now

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    • Thank you, Rosie! Feel free to join in the link up later this week, too! I love the community of sharing ideas and thoughts this link up creates!
      Thank you for stopping by and enjoy those dates! I am so thankful for the time after the kids are in bed! 😉

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  13. Great advice! I am not married, but these are all something I will take into consideration. I always find that friendship and respect are truly the only things that make any relationship come alive. Love encompasses those two characteristics and once those needs are met it’s beautiful. You have a nice balance here. Thanks for sharing!

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    • Thank you, Laura. Yes, friendship and respect are vital to any relationship! Sadly, I have found that those relationships that are so important and around everyday (like a spouse) can take the backseat when busyness and life set in. The friendship and respect may still be there, but there’s no action behind them.

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  14. I love your honesty so much! I think it is so important to talk about the things that might make us blush or a little uncomfortable but are so prevalent! So glad I found your blog!

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  15. Love it friend – I’ve been away from my husband for a few weeks and this helped me think through “re-entry”. Thanks for going there with us.

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