I’m just going to say it. I am so excited for this topic and I’m so nervous for this topic. Dating your spouse. It is so important yet so very easy to loose sight of. I will be the first to admit that I have lost sight and forgotten the importance of the relationship with my husband. We have been married for 10.5 years and our relationship has seen a lot of life change, including, our 4 children.
All that to say, I am really looking forward to hearing your ideas, tips, and thoughts on this month’s This Is How We Do It: Date Your Spouse. If you have a blog, I would love if you would link up a post (information is at the end of this post) and share your tips! If you don’t have a blog, leave your ideas in the comments! The goal of this link up is to create a community that shares ideas to help each other grow. We were never designed to live this life on our own, and this is another avenue for that community.
Okay, here we go! Dating your spouse.
Honestly, our relationship has seen so many different types of dating. We have spent tons of time together having fun, playing games, going on dates, binge-watching shows… We have also had those quick dates where we are actually surrounded by our children, but we grab a picture just the two of us or we walk behind all of them and pretend to not be counting children. (You know, to make sure we don’t lose any of them.) Lately, we have tried to be intentional and have a mix of both. We enjoy our nights at home relaxing and watching our favorite shows. We go out a few nights a month and catch a movie or eat dinner. Or if we are extra lucky, both! And the in between days, we pick up food and eat it while watching a movie I
stole borrowed from my sister. Or we will go on a walk with the kids and chat as we push strollers and bikes up the hills.
Each of these dates are great and help to build our relationship. Even those small “dates,” the ones where we are surrounded by our children and can hardly focus on each other. Because those dates are real life and they remind us of the importance of each other. Those everyday dates remind me that my husband thinks I matter enough to stop and talk to me. Those everyday dates remind my husband that I think he is more important than our children.
Even though those everyday dates are vital, they aren’t everything. I mean, they just can’t be. You need time alone, really connecting with each other. So a couple times a month, we go out. Just the two of us and enjoy a quiet dinner where we catch up. We still talk a lot about the kids and parenting, but we also spend time remembering life before them. We remember and laugh at our relationship before children, who we were, what we did back then.
We also try to get away at least once a year, without children. Our anniversary is at the beginning of the year, so this year we went to Galena for a weekend away. It was a great time of reconnecting, of quiet, and of laziness. And it was glorious. It was also the start of a new tradition (right, Mom?).
Marriage needs times to reconnect. Times of quiet. Times to remember life with just the two of you. Those reconnecting times are what keep a marriage going. They are the times that will keep your marriage alive, even after your children are grown and move out.
But all that said, marriage needs more than dates and quiet times together. It even needs more than remembering. I think most husbands would agree…Yes, I’m going to say it. Mom, please stop reading. Seriously.
Marriage needs sex. It just does. Let’s be honest for a second. I know, I’m blushing as I’m typing this. Knowing that people I know will be reading it. But let’s be real and talk about something that is vitally important. Marriage needs sex.
I will be the first to admit it – children took a toll on our sex life. I was nursing constantly and had my littles all over me all.the.time. The last thing I wanted at the end of a long day would be anyone else touching me. Honestly, we did life that way for a while. It wasn’t the healthiest and it led me down a path of forgetting just how important my husband is.
Then life just made me forget. I started living more selfishly. I was tired. Our children were exhausting. I made excuses. I grew bitter and easily annoyed. My husband became a terrible listener.
We I would snap easily.
And then I read a silly, but real, blog post about sex. The writer talked about this same thing. The death of her sex life with the birth of her children. She then talked about a decision to intentionally choose to have sex with her husband every day. I know, crazy, right!? But she did it. And she said it was amazing. Even when she didn’t want to. She stuck with it. And it benefited them both. And their marriage.
So what am I suggesting? I think every couple has a different number that works for them. Although, to be honest, I don’t think it’s about the number, it’s about the relationship. And I think every relationship has ebbs and flows as you walk through different seasons. But I think it is an important discussion to have. And I think it is something that needs to be intentional. So go home, have an awkward discussion with your spouse and then…go have sex. Seriously.
I don’t know how to end this, so I’m just going to end it here. And if you know me, you will know that I am still blushing, but even still, I would love to talk to you about this if you want. Seriously. I love community and I love honesty.
And if you like those things and this link up series as much as I do, here is a look at the next topics coming up! We would love to have you join us!
Want to catch up on my previous This Is How We Do It posts? (You should if you haven’t checked them out before, just saying.):
Link Up Information:
1. Fill out form, by clicking blue button below.
3. Etiquette: You can use a post written recently, ie: the last week or so, but please link back. If you forget, you will get a nice email, but if you don’t link back your post may be removed from the link up. Also, please only link up 1 post about the topic we are discussing. Anything outside of the discussion will be removed.
4. This link up is open all week!