Today finds me feeling cloudy. I stare out the window and the weather mirrors my feelings. Or perhaps, I mirror them. I cannot find the words to put with my thoughts. Or rather, I cannot seem to nail down my thoughts. They seem scattered. A mess.
Do you have those same days. The ones that begin with rain at the bus stop, continue on with children getting sick, and then by the time nap/quiet time roles around, you feel sick too. The ones that find your son walking home from the bus stop crying and frustrated. The ones where your heart just sits breaking and wondering, unsure of words or wisdom to share. (Not that I’m speaking specifically about my day today.)
Maybe that was a little specific, but you know the days I’m talking about. Sometimes nothing needs to happen for me to feel blank and cloudy. Other days it is compounded by the way life is thrown at you. And you are left to sit and wonder. Why am I a mess? Why is my life messy? What did I miss?
Why am I not enough? Why can’t I do it all?
And I am reminded, each and every time my mind wanders there: I don’t need to be enough. That in my weakness, I remind my children of the One who is enough. That in the times when the world seems unfair and rough, there is One who has conquered the world. And what glory that He lives in us!
Today, Man-Child came home from school. Alone. A day without friends. My heart breaks for him. I speak to him, to his heart. Reminding him of the role he plays, the importance of his words. And I pray with him. For his heart. For this fragile heart that yearns to belong. For this brave child who keeps pushing, keeps hoping for a friend that is kind. After talking and snacks, we turn to his new Awanas verse:
The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you;
He will never leave you nor forsake you.
Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. – Deuteronomy 31:8
And once more, I am reminded of the depth of our Father’s love for us. I am reminded of the power of His words. I am reminded of His truth. And even Man-Child saw a glimpse of the ways God speaks straight to our hearts. The ways He sees us, right where we are at. Mess and all. Brokenness and all.
I pray this finds you, right where you are, and encourages you. I pray it reminds you too: you don’t need to be enough. Even in this world that is constantly asking us to be everything. I pray it reminds you that there is One that loves you more than all of this. That He is with you. That He cares for you and wrote you the most precious words. All to encourage you.