This week, it has been cool and cloudy. We had finally experienced spring and were enjoying the sunshine, the warmth, and the opportunities to be outside again. But this week, it’s back to cooler, cloudy weather. We’ve had fog and rain. And honestly, it reflects where I’m at right now. Or more appropriately, it reflects my heart right now. I’m tired. I’m worn out and exhausted. And I’m going to buckle and break soon.
Honestly, things have actually been going well lately. We, currently, don’t have any extra doctor appointments for Boy Child (we are just waiting for the feedback session at the end of the month). Man Child has made some amazing strides in his attitude and heart while Boy Child has been working on his coping strategies. It’s been a calmer, quieter week. Really, there’s no reason for me to be cloudy.
Except there is. I’m a mom. And yes, that is beautiful. It is wonderful. It is a huge blessing. But it’s also exhausting and wearying. And right now I find myself in the busy season.
My husband is an auditor, and he is crazy busy January through April. I’ve been managing appointments, dinner, and bedtimes on my own. And I like to think that I’ve handled it all pretty well. But, I always start to break by the end of these busy times. I get tired. My to do list stays the same or grows with the addition of spring cleaning. And I get behind. And once I get behind the mountains of laundry and cleaning get insurmountable. And then they are too big for the kids to help. So the mountains keeps growing. And I get more worn. And more tired.
Let’s pause for a minute. I want to be clear. I am beyond thankful and appreciative to my husband and all that he does to care for and provide for our family. I know that while I find myself exhausted, he is finding himself there too, just in a different way. We have discussed these busy times, and we ebb and flow with solutions throughout this time. But no matter the solutions, these seasons just wear. They do. They wear on us both, and we find ourselves in a place, seeking rest once they are finished and normal life comes back. Thankfully, even in the “normal,” we have adapted to finding rest there. It’s that final push that shows us where we are breaking. And just how badly we need “normal” back.
So these days of cloudy cool days, with no outdoor playing. These days of being cooped up in our own homes are hard. They are just plain hard, never mind the tired season we are in, never mind the recent taste of beautiful weather. These days are just hard. The rain and cold prove isolating. The isolating makes us more worn, more weary, and more bristled.