Last week, I attended my church’s MOPS night. My friend, Dr. Zach Sikora spoke on anxiety, fear, and worry. I like to think that I don’t worry very much. I don’t deal with anxiety or fear. But as he spoke, I took my notes. I thought about how I have seen worry and anxiety in others and even in my life…before. Not now. As our table discussed how fear impacts our lives, I continued to think that I have this area covered. Perhaps not perfectly casting aside worry and fear, but it is not a habit.
Still, I decided to reflect. I got quiet. I knew God had something for me in this. I knew because, one of Zach’s points was on remembering God’s past faithfulness as a way of combating worry. Whenever I hear something repeatedly, I know God is asking me to keep listening, He’s telling me there’s still more. I just wrote about thankfulness and the act of remembering on my last post, I read about it in a book, and heard a sermon discussing this. So I knew I needed to stop and reflect. To really listen. To be still. 
I slowly started to realized that there is something in my life. I fight the tension of being a ‘good enough mom.’ I fear that my ‘not enough,’ my humanness is the cause of my sweet boy-child’s delays. I wrote about this a few weeks ago, here. I honestly thought I had moved past this, onto a new lesson. I understand it. I KNOW the truth. I KNOW I am chosen to be Sweet Boy-Child’s mom. I KNOW that I did not cause his delays. I KNOW that he is perfectly and wonderfully made. I do. Truly, I do.

But somewhere, I don’t. Somewhere, in the dark corners, truth gets lost. Lies seep in. They whisper to me. And somewhere the truth gets crowded out. And I forget. And I wonder. I give the lies time and space. I give them life. I have to choose to confront those lies. To speak truth back to them. To remember the truth that I have learned. And instead of pushing them back to a dark corner, I need to actually confront them, fight them, and win.

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